NEW YEAR 2010

This whole year so many things has happen to me. Everytime i do sumthing right or wrong i will always get punished i guess. Its like my mom thinks im stupid. i cant talk to hur bout nun cuhs she thinks everyting my fault so i be liked wats the point now. ma dad is back from jail and he is so studpid at time . i be like when can he leave and i can be here doin ma thang. No matter how dey is nice to me they will never listen to me. I gave up all hella shyt cuhs i get no help and i be like its watever. No one is just there to listen to i kick it wit hella peopel and talk to dem. I hate bein home just there aint nun to and i dnt care if i wanan be safe buh it aint shyt. I wish i had dis one qurls parents cuhs dey dnt care were she go. She can go anywhere where she wants to and do watever and i cant do dat. imma prove wit ma grades till da end of march and everything like dat. i hate dis year cuhs im suppose to hvae fun not be hella bored

TOTURE

have u ever been in a house where after your not a virgin your parents call you every name possible to make u have no confidence? 

well i have , its toture. they don't believe me. Every time i stay home its like i don't do anything right its always like they have to envolve sex. they don't even trust me. how can i deal with that everyday. i cant stand being with them because they just are bitches with attitude. im always with my bf and they think other things. they think i can suceed . i want to live with different people because of what they say. i miss ma grandparents because they always believe in what i do but my parents never did or nothing. i do good in school they dont do anything like a prize or something like that. Every time i do good when my grandparents were around i get clothes or something. Every time i need help its always do it on ur own. i just need like an example. my parents are not any of those because they are just there and do nothing. its hard to look up to them because they just don't care what we do. I miss the days where i go to ma grandparents house and i get stuff or at least feel the love.  I just wanted to try what everyone was doin once because it looks cool and fun. but i did that and want to stop but i have no one believing in me to even change and not my parents. when im with my friends its like i have all the confidence that i need and everything. CAN SOMEONE HELP ME CAUSE THIS IS TORTURE

Everything is so hard & stressful

There are so many things that happened today. when he calls me its like you will make me sad .you make a good day into a bad one. just by talking to me because you blame stuff on me so many times i feel likes its my fault. im going to treat you the same that you treated me one day when i was caring you were down and when i tried to help you wouldnt let me so im just going to do the same. i care for the people i talk to on the phone and the people who im friends with but then they just get so annoying that they wont care any more. i dream the day i can find that right person that will listen and wont judge you and annoy you. People dont know about you because of how embarassing you act and how annoying you are. its so impossible of how i can stay and not leave and not be so embarassed. I talk to so many people and meet so many people and talk to them boy or gurl. School is getting so stressful to because of your grades and plus to you have to do some other things to . im tired of this stresss and stuff cause its so annoying. Being here without you is been hard for so long but im use to it. no more i wanna leave and be out but my other part of me says no.

Love

Love is things that everyone dreams of and wants. the person that will come to you and you dont have to search or anything. Ive been through almost everything dat has to do with love relationships and other stuff. i find there is no more point of being wit people cuhs dey just gone do other things to. Love is like a dream come true wit the person u have true feelings for and other feelings to and you kno dis person is rite for u. i been thru dis and more. when you find the rite person u no inside ur heart dat ur safe and u have the lil feeling in side saying that is the true love that waited for u. the distance of love is beatable but it cuts into the realtionship if they live so far u can be wit them at all. No matter how long u been wit someone or maybe u been friends wit dat person for a long ass time but then u are like i love u cuhs ur so close to me and your like family its the unbelieveable time that i have known you. its like wow. If that